This is my 17th year as a professional driver. I’ve been most everywhere and seen most everything. Some recurring themes such as the weather, road construction, crazy drivers and so forth I think will always be a part of the scene out here on the road. One of the oft repeated stories we see involves the transport of bed mattresses. Now I realize that this seems like an innocent enough endeavor but believe me, it’s more work than it looks. I’ve lost track of the number of cars and pickups on the side of the freeway attempting to retrieve a fly-away mattress or just trying to tie it down more securely so that the front of it doesn’t act like a 12-inch thick canvas-and-spring sailing mast. What a wonderful effect that has on one’s fuel mileage. I hear a few of you snickering already… I think most of us have attempted to haul our own mattress at some point in our lives. This particular day finds us in Denver Colorado. A nice afternoon under sunny skies. What could possibly go wrong? The location is a Sears off-site facility. It’s an old warehouse in the industrial part of town with narrow roads and difficult turns for the big rigs. A place where customers go to pick up over-size orders such as appliances, electronics and furniture. It’s also where the 18-wheelers bring their trailers full of Sears merchandise to be unloaded. We park out in the front lot and go inside with our order form. About 25 minutes is the expected wait time so we chose to sit out in the van. When your order comes out on the dock, you back your vehicle up and the stockperson helps load your item. It’s up to you to secure it. The next order out was a rather large mattress – most likely a king-sized. They are heavy and awkward but the two gentleman in the car along with the help from the dock get the mattress squared away on the top of their 2-door sedan. I notice the vehicle because of the happy dog in the back seat. A medium-sized generic variety canine, he’s just thrilled to be a part of the adventure. He jumps into the front seat whenever his people get out, barks non-stop while they are gone and then hops into the back seat when they return. The driver, whom I shall call Mr. Bigg and his buddy Slim, get to work right away on securing the mattress to the roof of the car. They have plenty of rope which they wrap around the top of the mattress and through the window several times until they are sure the mattress is secure. The dog is delirious. Each time the rope is passed through the car, he is there, barking and chasing. What a grand game! Okay, all tied down and ready to go. Uh oh. One problem. The doors are now tied shut. Practical Slim slides his legs in through the passenger window and onto the seat and he’s ready to go. His buddy Mr. Bigg doesn’t think that’s funny. There is no chance that he’s able to do the same thing. The dog is just sitting in the back seat now looking from one to the other. So, Slim slips out of the car window and they untie the whole thing. This time they repeat the process with the doors open. Goes much faster and Rover decides to just observe. He got enough exercise, thank you, on the first round. There! All done and ready to go. Uh oh. One problem. The doors won’t close with the rope around the frame. Rover’s eyes are about to pop out of his head, “I wish I could talk! Mr. Bigg, you get in the car and have Slim tie the mattress down then he can slip back in the window and we’ll be on our way!” But the humans did not think of this. Both of them are clearly unhappy as they untie their handiwork once again. Only the top of Rover’s head is visible now as he slinks down into the back seat undoubtedly blushing red under his fine tan coat. Mr. Bigg and Slim stand on opposite sides of the car and discuss what to do next. Well, the only thing left, they suppose, is to just drive careful and they’ll each stick one arm out the window and hold the mattress in place that way. They position themselves and start across the parking lot in the old sedan. Rover sinks completely out of view. Even the dog knows this is not going to work. The exit driveway is a little steep at the end and due to some overpass pillars it’s hard to see what’s coming down the street from the right. Which is where the big trucks turn to get into the dock area behind the warehouse. Uh oh – I know you see this one coming. Yup, just as the sedan gets to the bottom of the driveway, Mr. Bigg stands on the accelerator to pull out then has to slam on the brakes as a semi appears around the corner. The trucker jams on his brakes and comes to a stop – on top of the mattress which shot off the roof of the car like a 10-ton flying carpet. I’m pretty sure the dog hitch-hiked home.
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Tags: dogs, pet transportation
Karen, as I’ve told you before, I love your writing! This one had me roaring with laughter, as your vivid word description created a live vaudeville scene on the screen of my reader’s mind.